While mowing the lawn tonight, thinking how sad it was that I was losing it too (when I sell the house) and thinking how carefully I had cared for it for the last four years, I had an epiphany. If I had spent that much time cultivating my relationship with my spouse, seeding it with love, trimming the negatives, and watering every day with honesty, I might not be in this position.

I’ve you’ve ever watched the TV show “House” you’ll recall when he has these moments of realization. Out there standing still behind the lawn mower, still running, I turned into Gregory House, M.D. for just a moment (with all his psychological baggage) and I began to hear

“You Can’t Always Get What You Want” by the Rolling Stones begin to play in my head (as it has during five of the show’s episodes during their emotional peaks for the doctor). When I came back inside, I turned on the shower radio and the song was playing, and I realized in full what had just happened.

The punch line of the song, of course is “But if you try sometimes, you just might find: You get what you need.”

This may have been just what I needed… to move on. Maybe this was best for all involved. Maybe somehow… this makes all of our futures better.

Tomorrow evening will be one week since my family disappeared from my home after 10 years. I’m not looking forward to the anniversary, but it means that I have made it through a week of recurring duties including that fateful lawn mowing: going to work, taking out the trash, getting groceries — all things I used to do with them.

Today was a day as good or better than yesterday, as I continue to fill my life with distractions. I worked from home to attend to the air conditioning repairmen (see yesterday’s entry). I ran out for a while to photograph some storm damage and spent another couple of hours going over the bills and wondering what else I can trim out of my life. Tomorrow, I will have lunch with another friend, get the car inspected, get groceries, and hopefully relax. Right now it’s time for a quick dinner with the cat and then off to bed to hopefully catch up on some sleep missed during last night’s air conditioner incident.

All in all, I consider making it through this last week quite an accomplishment.