“Echoes knocking on locked doors / All the laughter from before
I’d rather live out on the street / Than in this haunted memory
This used to be our funhouse / But now it’s full of evil clowns”
–Pink, “Funhouse”
Tomorrow is the one-month anniversary of the day my family disappeared. I believe my house is slowly turning from Evil (see photo I took yesterday) to Good, but it is a slow process. The first couple weeks after the divorce it was very painful to be here. Everything here reminded me of my former family. But I traded out the pictures on the wall, rearranged some furniture and it’s a little better now.
It still makes me sad to think how much the three of us put into the purchase (it was our first home), maintenance, and life in this house. But I’m starting to accumulate a list of things that are better about the house now, and as one reader said, “As hard as it is for my short-term recovery to be about me, it has to be.” So without further ado, here’s a list:
The Top 10 Good Things About My House:
#1: I can play my music up as loud as I want (sorry neighbors)
#2: I can wonder around the house in my boxers (I have an “emergency” pair of shorts in a kitchen drawer, in case someone rings the door bell)
#3: I can come and go as I please. If I want to take a walk, or go out and take weather photos, I just do it. There’s no coordination between multiple people and potentially hurt feelings from complicated schedules.
#4: I can do what I want, when I want (no more tiptoeing around people who are sleeping at odd hours of the day). I’m getting a lot done around the house, very efficiently. As I prepare to try to make some money on eBay, Craigslist and with a Yard Sale, this will be very helpful.
#5: Almost anything can be prepared in the microwave. I’m not cooking for an army here. The hard-to-use stove and broken toaster oven can kiss my ass.
#6: The cat is free to roam the house (because the dog is gone). I’ve caught him sitting in the sun by the porch doors and running through the kitchen, things he was never able to do before because the dog would bark at him. All said, he could be the happiest person in this divorce.
#7: I don’t have to walk on eggshells around a moody teenager or grouchy wife, phrasing everything I say carefully.
#8: I Don’t have to worry about calling the wife every time rain approaches (she had a convertible).
#9: I’m losing weight due to eating better and exercising more. Without two other people here eating bad food, I can just grab a salad or some fruit.
#10: I’m spending a lot less money (try $150/month at Wal-Mart, not $150/WEEK)
#11: I can go to bed and get up when I want. I’ve found myself getting up at daylight (6:30) since the divorce, so I walk/jog a mile first thing. There’s nobody to make noise and keep me up after 9 PM so that’s usually when I retire.
OK, some of those last ones weren’t house related, but I was on a “positive” roll and I didn’t want to hold back. My psychiatrist, if I had one, would identify this blog entry as the first time I’ve exhibited much positive behavior in the last month, and they’d be right.
The question, of course is: Can I afford to keep the house? Probably not, but even if I put it up for sale today it would be 6-8 months before it sold, so I have applied for an Obama loan modification for those who have “fallen on hard financial times.” Losing 30% of the household income, but very little of the bills, will hopefully qualify me for a reduced mortgage that will keep me out of foreclosure until I can sell it.