I have just signed the final papers. As depicted in an episode of FX’s “Louie“, it was cold, quick, and disappointingly meaningless. I have also removed my wife’s number from my phone (we had been texting for logistical purposes). Pressing that button had more meaning than signing the papers, but with a sigh, I pressed it. That’s one less reminder of my former life.

Bananarama was right. It was, indeed, a Cruel Summer for me. But now the leaves have been stripped from the trees and the first snowflakes are about to fall.

Of course, Winter is not going to be easy for me. On top of the loss I’ll feel during the Holidays, my father passed away in January (10 years ago) so I’ve come to not really enjoy the winter as much as I used to. And my ex-wife became gravely ill several years ago in November, so I’m not too hot on that month either.

Yet, as I move towards the Month 4 mark of my divorce, I think somehow I will survive. Exercise, eating well, frequent outings with friends, the support of my mother, and prescription anti-depressants have made my life tolerable. Even my dreams are getting more realistic, having turned from my family welcoming me back, to them rejecting me.

It’s hard to believe that I’ve survived these 119 days. To once again quote Jerry Garcia: “What a long strange trip it’s been.” I’ll repeat my original mantras one last time:

I can’t go back in the past to fix things. I can’t see into the future to know how bad they are going to get. All I can do is work with what I have today. Short-term, it is about me recovering. Long-term it is about me learning from my mistakes and taking steps to avoid them in the future.

Thanks to you, blog readers; hopefully future entries here will be less about my former life and more about my future — this marks the first major milestone since my separation — and ushers in “Jesse 2.1.”