NOTE: This entry was part of a blog I wrote called “Jesse 2.0” from 2010-2011. 

“I look at the sky to where my future’s lyin’ and I almost start to cry.”
— Lisa Stansfield “The Line”

I had decided months ago that I would not be decorating for Christmas this year, for the first time since I have lived in a house. In fact I sold what was left (after the yard sale) of my holiday decorations to someone on Craigslist last month.

And I shouldn’t be so cruel with the title of this entry — this is my decision, though surely if she were still here, I wouldn’t be doing it. I am proud to have instilled a love for Christmas in my former family, and they can carry on without me. This year seeing those same decorations would just be too depressing… too many memories would surface.

And of course, if I don’t have to stand out in -20 wind chill cursing a pile of tangled lights, shooting staples in my eye and stepping on glass bulbs, why do it?

This isn’t easy – you can’t enter a store after Halloween and not be assaulted with an array of Holiday favorite tunes, but in situations that I can control, I’m avoiding it. Maybe next year Christmas will return to me if I have someone to spend it with, but for now, there will be no Christmas at my house.

All this considered, a co-worker had a small set of really neat looking LED Christmas lights that connect to your computer’s USB port. They didn’t look like any decorations from my past, and I decided to drive to the other side of town today to buy them. There were only two boxes left, and they were both 50% off. It just felt right. So I shall adorn this small celebration of the holiday, and nothing more.

One of the reasons I loved Christmas from my youth was not just the presents, not just the family, but because it represented a week off from work, a week of relaxation and hobbies, without having to travel anywhere (unlike our yearly beach trip).

If I don’t go down to NC this season, I still intend to take a week off, or several 4-day weekends in a row, and relax, read, watch movies and do what *I* want to (just like Thanksgiving).

For now, I think that’s all I can do.