NOTE: This entry was written by my wife, Kristi. It was part of a blog we co-authored called “Love at First Touch” from 2011-2013. 

My ex and I were together for 18 years – my entire adult life.  I went from living at home with my parents to living with him.  We parented our daughter together.  We shared a home and vacations for years and years.  And as the years passed, we grew further apart until it felt like we had nothing in common.  The day I left him I realized that, although we loved each other, we were never friends.

This blog is supposed to be about me and Jesse, so at first I hesitated to write this entry.  I don’t want the story of my life with Jesse to be the story of my failed marriage or the circumstances of its protracted death.  Today as I turned ideas over in my head, I realized that the story of my life with Jesse has to include the story of how I spent the years before I met him.  I am the person he loves because I learned from the mistakes of the past.  The most important lesson I learned from my ex was that you need to be friends with your partner before you can commit your life to him.

When my ex and I started moving my things out of the house we used to share, our only disagreement was over his favorite frying pan.  The only household item that we both wanted – that mattered enough to warrant a negotiation – was a Pampered Chef frying pan that made really good eggs.  We divided our other possessions effortlessly.  It was very telling that we had so little in common that we could separate our lives with so little effort.

This realization made me very sad.  I resolved to find a best friend as well as a partner.  I figured I would only have one more chance to get it right, and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone whom I liked as well as loved.  I really had no confidence that I would find that person.

And then I started corresponding with this silly, geeky, funny, sweet guy called Jesse.  Every conversation yielded some new revelation about how well-suited we were.  We lamented that there wouldn’t be enough hours in the day to share all the things we wanted to share.  What would we do first?  Take photos?  Watch smart comedies while eating popcorn?  Play with computers and gadgets?  Go for long walks?  I was so excited to finally meet Jesse in person and get started.

And you know what?  Our first meeting might have felt awkward, and I might have panicked at the idea of this new relationship.  But the day I met Jesse I met the man who was destined to be my partner and friend.  I love Jesse, and I also like him very, very much.  He isn’t better than my ex, per se.  This isn’t about which partner was right and which one was wrong.  Jesse is the person I am meant to be with now, and I am finally the person who is meant to be with him.  It took me 18 years to become the kind of partner Jesse deserves, and I am so glad that our lives intersected at just the right moment so we can be Us.