NOTE: After finally replacing the last fluorescent light bulb in our home, I wrote down some thoughts about fluorescent bulbs.
The year is 1998.
Light Bulb Industry (in Troy McLure voice):
“HELLO CONSUMER! We’ve got bulbs that last A LOT longer than incandescent, wouldja like to try?”
Consumer:
“Uh, sure… what’s inside them that makes them last longer?”
Industry:
“Poison! And LOTS of it! Mercury, to be exact. You won’t want to drop one of these babies!”
Consumer:
“OK… um, great. What’s the outside made of?”
“Super thin,
slippery
glass!”
“Well, OK, so it’s a bulb I can screw into my existing light sockets?”
“No way Jose! You’ll have to get an electrician to rewire your entire light fixture to go fluorescent.”
“That’s OK, I can connect wires together to wire a new fixture.”
“This is TECHNOLOGY, Jack! There’s a tiny transformer box required, and a connector with 2, 4, or more pins!”
“It seems like we’re going backwards in lighting technology. What do I do when a fluorescent bulb burns out?”
“These things are DANGEROUS, SON! Didn’t I tell ya? You’ll have to take it to a special hazmat recycler.”
“OK – like can I drop it off at Wal-Mart?”
[Laughs wholeheartedly] “That’s a negative… did I mention these things contain poison that shouldn’t be breathed in, ingested, or touched?”
“Yes, you did. So where do I take the dead bulbs?”
“There are only one or two recyclers in most cities or counties… so you might have to drive 50 miles. But it’s totally worth it.”
It sounds like this technology isn’t great. Are they at least cheap like the $1 incandescent bulbs I use now?
“Bulbs? Who said anything about bulbs? Fluorescents come in all kinds of fun, bizarre, easy to break sizes, only $10 for a Fluorescent ring or, well, a lot more for a long tube.
“OK, well, at least I still have a choice as to which bulbs to use.”
“Here’s some breaking news (you know, breaking, like fluorescent bulbs?) Congress will ban your inefficient incandescent bulbs soon.”
“I’ve heard about LED lights, which are very efficient but very expensive.
I think they’ll be the wave of the future. Will they make LED bulbs in all the bizarre fluorescent shapes and sizes?”
“Right as rain, son! They’ll plug right in!”
“And then what?”
“Fluorescent is powerful, complicated technology. It’ll set your LED bulb on fire! Unless you get an electrician to take out the transformer and rewire your fixture.”
“OK. great… I guess I’m sold.”